because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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