I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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