fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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