So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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