Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
