Just fell off a train. Bad.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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