worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
