Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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