saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
