We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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