btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
