You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
