just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
