i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
