Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
