How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
