U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
