there's paper in my vomit.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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