Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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