somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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