Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
