She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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