i think my tv is drunk
Say something about gay babies.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
