He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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