Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
