Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
