one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
