"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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