i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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