$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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