ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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