saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
