Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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