He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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