I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
