I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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