what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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