i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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