He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
