Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
