i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
