i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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