Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
