That's intense
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
