Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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