i was born a porn star she said
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
sarcasm needs its own font
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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