sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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