I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
