So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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