I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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