do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
