I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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