Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
