so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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