what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
