Your face is a jimmy john
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
