these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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