People in love make me want to vomit
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
