I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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