Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
