I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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