until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize